Our Culture Lies to Us About Children
The following is an excerpt of an article titled, “Our Culture Lies to Us About Children,” authored by Tom Garfield. This article was published in the Classical Homeschooling Magazine, Issue 2.2, in the Winter of 2000.
In this piece, Garfield critiques modern cultural attitudes toward childhood, particularly focusing on how societal pressures push children to confront adult issues prematurely. He contrasts these trends with biblical perspectives on child development and emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience a natural, unhurried maturation process.
“Even in this world, of course, it is the stupidest children who are the most childish, and the stupidest grown-ups who are the most grown-up.” – CS Lewis The Silver Chair
Rather than start with supporting philosophical arguments, let me say right upfront, and as emphatically as I can, our culture lies, and lies constantly, to us about children! From the educationist at most universities to our vast media network, from day unto day, they pour forth outrageous lies upon our heads. The saddest part of this is, as Lennon predicted and practiced, “If you tell the big lie, long enough, and loud enough, the people will believe it.” Not only have many non-Christian families bought and passed on the lies; so have great numbers of Christian families and churches.
Simply put, our culture, especially through our educational establishments, tells us that children can, and should handle adult issues as soon as possible, and with the same mouth, they rail against the prerequisites needed by children to mature properly. They prescribe a precise, politically (if not medically) correct AIDS curriculum for first graders, but will recoil in horror should those same first graders practice, gender-specific and “childish” activities, such as boys playing with Legos or guns and girls playing with American Girl dolls, or (gasp) tea sets. In the name of education and sophistication, countless children are literally being robbed of their childhood. They have our warped adult culture thrust on them at earlier and earlier ages, then we turn around and wonder why so many young people are growing up without a sense of morality and community, not to mention without a sense of wonder and interest in the world around them.
The Bible states, in no uncertain terms that children are profoundly different in thoughts, actions, appearance, abilities, interests, and emotions than adults (Proverbs, 1 Corinthians 13, etc). They are not small adults, trapped in tiny bodies, fully capable of correctly handling topics from nuclear catastrophes to drug abuse. Yet even many Christian families seem to believe our cultures lies and act as though it is inevitable that their children must throw off childhood far sooner than the parents did.
For example, in a recent issue of a very popular Christian family magazine, a feature article was titled, “Are You Ready For Your Teens To Date?” Yes, I did read it and, surprise, surprise, not one mention was made of parents, possibly choosing to not have their children date. Apparently dating is yet one more cultural thing that happens to all kids; parents beware! It may come as a shock to the culturally, up-to-date authors of the above article that more and more Christian families, with real-live teenagers, are choosing the archaic method of courtship (i.e. marriage-directed relations vs the dating game), for their progeny.
With younger children, timeless, marvelous children’s books, and reading as a family have been subordinated to videos, Sesame Street and Nintendo. I would submit that since children are made to imitate ideas and behavior they see, as Christians, we will be held accountable for the models we place before them.
One of the most gratifying aspects I have enjoyed while working with families at Logos is seeing so many secure children from parent-run, not culture-run, homes. These children seem to have a number of things in common: they are not burdened with adult problems, and issues, and therefore, enjoy being children, doing things like imaginatively, reading, coloring, birthday, party games, dressing up, and playing ball games. They also seem to have a maturing sense of the necessity of doing lots of work at home, doing it well, and respecting authority. Oh yes, they also seem to enjoy school! The latter traits are evident in the many secure teens I know, too. Sometimes, at the kindergarten or first grade levels. It is necessary to propose to parents that they consider holding their son or daughter back a year before starting or continuing our program. The majority of families I’ve talked with understand the need and benefit of allowing their child time to be just that, a child who needs to grow up. We’ve never had a problem with giving a child “too much” time to grow.
There is no fire to get to, no need to rush through childhood. Let’s invest in the brief years so that they will be truly mature. Our culture will and cannot give us the blueprint our children need, only the Scriptures and godly examples can do that.
Garfield, Tom. “Our Culture Lies to Us About Children.” Classical Homeschooling Magazine, vol. 2, no. 2, Winter 2000